Searching for my Happily Ever After.

Tacked-on and ticked-off. Hey.. that's not bad..

I DO. I shout way too much. I have a really really short fuse. Even if I AM just the after-thought of my family and social groups, there really is no excuse to lose it so often and so violently.

I gritted my teeth so hard that my newly filed-down filling is hurting. I think I may have damaged it. I took two paracetamol even though I didn't really need it. At least it will send me to sleep tonight. Unusually.

I just watched Constantine. It was pretty good. Not too cheesy or anything, but a little clich�. But he appeared in the Sandman. I think it was the first volume of the comic, Preludes and Nocturnes. The best, I think. There. He first appeared in Issue 2, Imperfect Hosts. I just looked it up.

Oh.... moo.
I feel lousy. I am lousy.

God.

I am so bad at relationships, you know.
Yes, I know.
I can't catch signals, even if the person is blaring them in my face. I shout at people because I think they're having a go at me. People think I'm in a bad mood or that I hate them, because my tone of voice is hostile, even though I'm neither aware of it, nor too capable of controlling it.

..So there's this guy I really like. I've liked him for a while, and I told him I fancied him once upon a time, though I rather guess he's forgotten all about it. But I do still like him. He's just.. romantic, you know?
Yes, I know... or at least I know he seems that way.

I think he was coming onto me. I know I'm bad at signals. You can't exactly mistake or doubt away an attempted kiss, though. Although you can doubt away the motive, doubt away whether he really wanted to or if he was being an elastic band (Elastic, rebound. There, that's the first explanation of an extended metaphore in here, I think). And I'm very good at doubting. Right now, at least.

I'd like it if it was a pure wanting to. I'd like it very much.

You know, if he reads this, which I suppose is at least a little bit unlikely, he will know that it is him that you are talking about?
Yes, I know. I know.

And also. Besides him, the half-a-finger, who may or may not be messing with me, there is you. Yes, you. You know. Ha
You, I want a word with you young man.

He's flirting with me now that he's broken up with Tuppenny-bit. He's looking for another so soon. I tried flirting back; after all, he's rather attractive and very nice, but I'm uncomfortable with it. He wouldn't want me and anyhow, Half-a-finger..
And he left D so quickly for Tup'ny.
I don't think he realises the day on which he tried flirting. Of course, how could he? It was a very knife-edge, teetering on the brink sort of day for me.

You know what I mean. Almost a Bad day. But then he came along and tipped me and sent me right off into a Bad day. No, monkey, not a bad day. A Bad day. There's a difference. And so I was there, answering his messages, but also.. well, you can guess. I became very anxious.

Moot. Oh, males will be the death of me.

But, if Half-a-finger ever reads this, I would just like to say this.
In a hypothetical situation, If he were to ask me out, I might very well accept.

Kim xxx (10:34pm)

P.S. The last parts of this entry are really only meant for me and the people they are about, and perhaps some close friends who know my metaphores and codes, so I apologise to anyone else, because I can understand that half of what I said is near-incomprehensible.