Searching for my Happily Ever After.

Hello. I got on well with Claudia and found out that she likes much the same music that I do. She's gotten real pretty since I last saw her. Back home in France she won a singing competition and now has her wonderful wonderful voice recorded onto four tracks of her very own CD. Only she had a cold when she recorded it and is now having a new one recorded. She might just make it in the music world, you know? She did a little live rendition of Evanescence's 'My Immortal'. It wasn't a very good rendition (too many pop-type warbles and 'yeah's in it for my liking - her form of 'spicing up' the song. Damn pop influence!) but she has an amazing voice. When we all went on a walk I found it rather confusing because one minute they were speaking in English and the next they were speaking in French. I found it very hard to keep up with them. And they really must have gotten used to living over there because they kept on forgetting words when speaking. Quite confusing. We had a good time.

Oh I think I might be able to post a(n embaRRaSSing) photo of myself up here. Hang on I'll go find the code to the picture.

That is me at Laura's 16th birthday party (I think.. may have been 15th? I actually don't know now. Damn). I've got orange pith in my mouth as fangs and am pulling my vampire expression! Isn't it delectably embaRRaSSing?

Love, Kim xxx

~Edit 8:08pm~
The best amusement ride I've ever been on is probably (oh heck, what's it called?!) Shockwave in Drayton Manor. It's Europes only stand-up rollercoaster and was voted World's Best Stand-up Roller Coaster by the Roller Coaster Club of Great Britain. It was a good rollercoaster. I went on it thrice and would've gone a fourth time if it hadn't been for the fact that the park closed by the time we decided to go on one last time. Okay here is the info for this ride (this bit's mainly for you, William so go appreciate it man!). It is 120 feet high and goes approximately 56mph. The average G-Force is 4 (is that a lot? I have no idea) and there is three loops and a twist. It was great fun I can tell you. Here's the site for Drayton Manor, you can see films of Shockwave in action. Drayton Manor's Shockwave

You know, I don't think it is right to kill another person. Capital Punishment in America. We don't have that over here in England. I don't think. Well I don't think it's right. Sure these guys have killed other people, usually many people and there's that 'eye for an eye' saying/law. But still I don't think it is right to just take another life like that. That is why I don't like war. Now abortion is a little trickier. It begs the question When exactly does life start? It could start with that tiny ball of cells embedded deep in the womb, with a tiny spark of life flowing through it. Does that count as life? It has no conciousness, does it? I don't know, of course. If I had to choose to have an abortion or not then I honestly do not know what I would pick. Maybe I would choose to just kill the thing inside of me, or maybe I would let it grow and develop and become its own self and being, in line with no killing. Abortion is the annihalation of a potential, after all. I need to learn how to spell annhialate. I would not kill any life, not even an animals, unless it was for food or self-defense. The killing of criminals may be seen as self-defense, couldn't it? There is a law that some of you may not know. It's the Wiccan Threefold Law. It basically states that whatever you do, the actions will eventually return to you threefold. Like Karma. These moral dilemmas are the sort of things that I worry and obsess over, eventually coming against a hard cold wall and panic. I'd rather not think about these things but I do anyway. Maybe philosophy was not such a good choice of future course after all.

Many a time in this diary I have described the sense of loneliness and 'the void' or 'the cliff'. This is what I feel when I think about these things for too long. I try and not think, of course. I guess I'm just the sort of person who can't help it. Like the beginning of everything. How did all this begin? Is it really happening or is it all a dream of somebody's and one day they will wake up and we will be nothing more than the memory of a dreamer? "You don't really exist you know. If he were to wake up you would go out with a bang!". Well I think about these things and try and work out how everything began. And then suddenly I feel this overwhelming sense of loneliness, fear. The Black Void. Maybe there is no higher being and we are all alone in a bleak and eventually empty universe. What will happen to me when I stop living? Would I wake up from the whole thing into another equally distressing series of worlds? And I try to stop thinking this but I can't. Sometimes I cry. Lately I haven't cried. I worry myself sometimes. When I asked Alice and Laura whether they think I need a psychiatrist or councellor they just laughed. It even made Alice's quote pages. But I meant it with upmost seriousness.

I wonder how many more times I will mention the cliff or the void.