Searching for my Happily Ever After.

I've been looking at some diary designs. HTML isn't as good as CSS, it seems. I found some nice looking designs. Boring day today. Nothing much to write about the school part of my life.

I'm going to change my template soon. I've been thinking about stuff. And I had a whole lot of "stuff" to write about in here. But, I dunno. I suppose I'm too tired today to do anything. But, I might write some tuff here if the moment arises.

Good lord, what a really really pointless sentence/entry!

Lord. *rubs eyes*

Oh look, the phone is ringing. What a lovely exciting life it is.

It's 10:17 at the moment.

Brutal honesty.

I think I'm reluctant to snap that dental floss because I want to know I have a relationship. He's my first ever boyfriend, because Mum and Dad are against me dating, they don't even know I'm going out with him. Wow, that term is so untrue. Going out. More, roleplaying over the internet. He's my roleplay-buddy. And he's even asked me a few times to marry him?! Lord. And to have sex.

Sex. I can't really imagine having.. well, actually I can imagine having sex. But sex with Wil? No way. Honesty? I'm not all that comfortable with the idea of having sex with a guy. Ha, if only Wil read this. He wouldn't like any of what's in it, will he? Maybe he'd break up with me? That would be easier.

I want a relationship. But I want one with meaning. Wil is.. clingy? No, that's not it. He's. He doesn't get the idea. Not a notion. Following me?

It's very foggy outside. Like inside my brain.

The crush, the one mentioned in "Her", I mostly over her now. After I don't know how long of having a crush on her. Long. And the other crush. Many people think they know who it is. Many being uh... 2. Okay, maybe not that many. Emma and William think that it is Alice. All three keep asking me. I'm not going to tell anyone who it is. It's not like their knowing will dramatically affect their lives. In maths Kat Nobbs was asking me. If I'm not going to tell my friends, would I tell her? I have my drama exam tomorrow. Psyching myself up for it. I need a costume. What to wear, what to wear.. I'll get over her. Like Tom and uh.. Her.

I love sleep. Gently entering the world of dreams. Where everything makes sense, or, when it doesn't, I can work it out. Sometimes I never work out the things which don't make sense. They provide a question for me to ponder over in my consiousness, in the daylight. People I know in dreams, combinations of people.

My theory is that girls have the same sex-drive as guys, but they don't show it as much. What do you think?

And slipping off to the numb place where there is no pain. And when there is pain, it's not as real. Where the fantastic can happen. Where I can dream the dreams I daren't dream in waking. I daydream. In the exams, when I'd finished I amused myself through daydreams. What a glorious gift it is to sleep; to dream! Even the nightmares give thought.

I am so random today.

I think I have woken up, now. It's ten to eleven. I had better enter my realm. Where I know and can think freely without my self-made barriers. Dreaming is a curse, is it not? It breeds the thoughts I put barriers against for a reason. It is both blessing and curse. What a wonderful thing.

Before I go, I forgot to say a sanity-related thng. About my life in the real world.

After form today I went to the hospital in Winchester with Maman for my ENT appointment. In the summer I had this one long never-ending noseblee. Not much blood, but it didn't stop. So we went to see if I had to have my nose cauterised. Or however you spell it. We got there quickly and the docter said that it's fine, just use some vaseline to stop it bleeding again. Stupid vWD, eh? Well, so that's okay. I'm going back in three months to see if anything needs cauterising.

I shall leave you all in bemusement now, for I need to slip into an unconcious state.

Yours, Kim xxx

(My writing's changed from beginning to end. Strange, no?)