Searching for my Happily Ever After.

First lesson, German. William's in a bad, bad mood. Depressed, and angry. I am, too, but I'm not letting it show. I told Mrs Franklin to ease up on him, coz something bad's happened. She was teasing him, see. She loves teasing. And making gay jokes. Today's gay joke was aimed at Hayley, but didn't go on for very long.

Second lesson, Biology. We did genetics. After lesson I stayed behind and showed off to Miss. Rogers. I drew her a gene table of my family regarding Von Willebrands. I'm strange like that. Miss. Rogers is really quite attractive.

Break time, I ate a Viscount and talked, that's about it.

Third lesson, and fourth, we had English in which we studied some boring poems. I wasn't really concentrating. I had other things on my mind, anyway.

Lunch, ate food, chatted, wandered around. That's it.

Sixth period was Chem, I spent the lesson in the library trying to complete my coursework, but I only wrote about 3 or 4 lines. Again, my mind was preoccupied.

Seventh and last period was Maths, in which I scored 1% in my homework. Good lord, factorising is damned hard. Mr. Maciver says that I'm going to have to be referred to Ms. Miller because of my lack of homework doing. He wrote a note in my planner to give to Mum, which I haven't done yet.

That's my day. Interesting, huh?

Last night I phoned Alice and we had a nice long chat, just like we used to. I told her about her presents and had to really really try hard not to tell her what they are! *randomly looks outside the window* The sun's just set, and it's still light, but there's a streetlamp on! It's 4:00pm exactly. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes. I must stop lying when I don't need to. I told Alice that I was awake till 2am last Sunday/Monday because there was something on my mind. "Ooo, what was it?" Says Alice. "Never you mind!" "Were you thinking about your crush?" "No." Well, actually, yes, I was thinking about my crush. I've been falling asleep in the early hours of the morning because I'm thinking about my crush. Not the girl I wrote about in "Her" entry. I'm over her, it was just a little thing.

Isn't it funny, when you have a crush you think it's this really big thing, but once you're over it, it doesn't seem so bad at all. It seems like a silly little thing, and that the feelings were not real, but this current crush, now the feelings for this crush is real. And a little later on when you're over THAT one, the feelings were not real after all. What are you blinded by? Can't be the feelings, if they are not real. Do you see what I'm getting at?

Anyway, I'm on these websites at the moment. http://www.iampariah.com/projects/memeslist.php This is a meme website. A meme is.. well, it explains on there. The quizzes I've been doing are memes.

http://www.blogideas.com/index.cfm?mode=ideas A cute website which gives a list of ideas when you find there's nothing to write about in your diary/blog.

http://season32.blogspot.com/ A random blog. It's entitled The Lonesome World Of Abel which reminds me of the Sandman.

And that's it. I shall be writing more as I go along, so I shan't finish this entry yet. I shall put the times before each lil bit. I'm just weird like that, okay? And it's not like I have anything better to do. Well, there's homework, but that's hardly better, is it.

4:14pm I don't want to lose weight. But you know what really annoys me? In the school drinks dispenser, all of the drinks are diet. None are just normal. Same in Boots, you have to look real hard to find a normal full-sugar drink. It's like, it's fine for anyone dieting, but what about the people who want to gain weight?

4:30pm From some other site: I'm gonna mention some words and if you know what it is you will tell me what it is. If you don't, you have to guess what the item is... Its all food or drink by the way.

Do you know...

1. Milo: Like mozzarella only more cheesy

2. Ribena: In the words of Jake: "It's sugary!" It's this fruit juice drink, you can also have Ribena toothkind which tastes like water only a teeny weeny little bit flavoured. Eww.. I like the proper full-sugared stuff!

3. Maggi: It's an Australian beer!

4. Satay: Sticks of meat on a skewer, they have this peanut satay dip, and they're a little bit spicy. Mmm.... satay...

5. Durian: A purple fruit which grows in the tropical rainforests of Antarctica. A penguin's favourite food. And also mine.

4:46pm From the Lonesome World of Abel: "There was mention of a gelatinous sheath in a lab report I graded today. Thank heavens for gelatinous sheaths. What would we do without them?"

5:00pm Another Quote from the Lonesome World Of Abel: "So Jeff and I decided that they best way to communicate our true feelings toward my father would be to get a black jewish lesbian democrat irish priest to be the celebrant at our wedding."

5:10pm Isn't it funny? A few months ago it was me who was the depressed one, needing all this help from people. And now for some reason I've turned into a sort of agony aunt. People are telling me their problems and asking for advice. Now, I'm not really a good advice-giver. Mainly because I'm not agony aunt of the group, and never have been. All I can do is say what I'd do if I was in that situation, yeah, that's advice, but is it good advice? I'm not really the good-decision-maker-of-all-time. And I say things plain and true. What I think about something, my honest opinion, and doing that probably doesn't make things better. But it gives the person an insight into how I interpret things, I suppose. I wish I could help, but it's outside my capability.

5:48pm What Women Want

The great question...which I have not been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is "What does a woman want?"

- Sigmund Freud

1. What is it that you really want? At the end of each day what is it that you have hoped to have accomplished, felt, experienced, etc? Do you feel you are getting what you want out of life? If not, will you ever?

I really don't know what I want. I know when I have not accomplished whatever it is I want at the end of the day because I feel like the day's been wasted. But I've yet to determine what it is. I don't think I'm getting what I want out of life. I don't know if I ever will. Oh! I want answers. And someone to love. That is what I want. I'm the philosopher, I think too much. And I wonder what love must feel like, and if I've ever felt it. Does Wil love me? Do I him? I don't think I do. I want to know love. And I want to know. What is after death? Is this reality?

Daydreams

Reverie is not a mind vacuum. It is rather the gift of an hour which knows the plentitude of the soul.

-Gaston Blanchelard

2. Daydreams incubate creativity and make possible things that we thought could never happen. What sorts of things do you daydream about? Do you think your daydreams help you as in lead you down the path to positive things, or do they hurt you because you are desiring things that you know will never happen?

I daydream about all sorts of things. Things like my crush, and what could happen; completely impossible things; I daydream about alternative endings to movies and books, sometimes putting myself in the character's shoes. They help becauseof that pathy reason. But also they help coz they're an escape from reality, a scorce of entertainment when things get boring.

Nightscapes

Dreams are illustrations...from the book your soul is writing about you.

- Marsha Norman

3. Do you ever remember what you dream about? Do you think that your dreams mean anything about how you view life or yourself? Do you have any dreams that you dream over and over again? What is the dream about? What do you think it means?

Yes I usually remember what I dream about, I pay avid attention to dreams. I think dreams are a reflection of what is going on in one's subconsious, but also half the time they're just a bunch of images which don't really mean anything. Yes, I've had reoccuring dreams. I've had a number of different reoccuring dreams. One of that masked guy in the ballroom, one of this weird tower, and there is a weird series-like dream where in my mind I have this entire community built up, with a woods, a park, a load of roads, another woods, houses, people living there, my friends, even sometimes a whole different family. What it means? Well, the ballroom one, the person who's in it reckons it's coz I want a love in my life, I know that it's someone I know, but (because of the mask) I don't know who it is, yet. Makes sense. If you annotate it. The weird tower.. I don't know, but when you jump off the top into the middle you don't fall to the floor but stop a few metres down and walk around on nothing but air, apart from this one dream where this old guy falls off and falls all the way down, then comes back as a ghost and haunts his friend. I have NO idea about the dream-life.

There, I'm about done with this entry now.