Searching for my Happily Ever After.

That feeling that I get has returned. I am so relieved at its reappearance.

As of late I have become increasingly worried that I am losing my youth. Let me explain.
Well first of all, senses. My eyes used to be perfect when I was younger, and now I need glasses to simply see down my road. When I was younger I used to be able to hear the bats at night. Recently, no matter how hard I listen, the only thing I can hear is lower pitched noises and the ringing in my own ears. I was quite distraught at the prospect of losing my upper hearing range which, although it's true I'm only 18, I understand starts to happen late teens/early twenties.
Thankfully those fears have been allayed for just last night as I stood outside (at 2am in my pyjamas, drinking milk because it was too hot to sleep) I was delighted to hear our bats squeaking around the tall tree at the front.

Also, I used to get the fustrating, wonderful, liberating and inspired feeling which would settle somewhere below my heart and spread up towards my mind. Fustrating because there was nothing I could do about this 'longing'. I used to believe there was something out there for me. I was meant for something. That I was alive for adventure and inventions. I used to believe in magic and epic journeys.

Recently I've realised that I haven't felt this feeling for a long, long while.

But it has returned, as of tonight. Something about today and the events of this early morning has renewed my childish na�ve spirit. I feel inspired to change everything, bits at a time, and to travel to unknowable places just to see what lies beyond.

I am so relieved. Although there is little I can do to allay this 'longing', I believe this proves that I am not yet jaded to this world. Not dulled by the media, politicians, the education system, Adult Life. It couldn't have returned at a better time, for in under two weeks' time I am embarking on a Lone Adventure into the Wilds Of France and I think I will need this feeling with me.

Last night as I was outside I wrote this in the dew of Mum's car boot.

MY LIFE IS MY OWN.
THE WORLD IS INHERENTLY GOOD.