Searching for my Happily Ever After.

Last Thursday (Thursday last week) I went to Southampton to celebrate Danielle's GCSE success. Went to see The Island, which was predictable, but enjoyable. There was this man in the film who I recognised - well, actually two men- and it was really bugging me because I couldn't place them. The first was the character "Jones", I recognised his voice, his body language and his face.. I knew I knew who he was. I looked The Island up on imdb.com and I was right! The man was the same guy who plays Neelix (or as my family call him, 'Pizza Head') in Voyager! Ah! That's why I couldn't place him. Normally I see him under tonnes of make-up. I concluded.

The other man was that guy who tells Jordan and Lincoln who they are. He was easier - Steve Buscemi, the guy from Big Fish.
Oh, hey! Ewan McGregor was also in Big Fish! Either there aren't an awful lot of actors out there in the world, or people like casting the same people together over and over. Probably the latter, really.

Before I met Danni at the cinema I stopped off at Asda to get a few cheap bottles of Coca to guzzle secretly in the cinema darkness. The lady serving me was called "Talent", which is a very unusual name, as you would probably agree. I told her that I liked her name and then went on to state the obvious by saying
"Not many people are lucky enough to have a name like yours."
She gave me the most dazzling white-on-black smile I ever did see and said "Thanks!". I felt good because I thought I'd made her feel happy, but now I'm thinking she probably gets loads of people commenting on her name.

Dad says that she should have put under the nametag "Wasted here", since she was in Asda, and, let's face it, Asda's crap.

A few days ago there was the most wonderful sight just outside of the window. The entire sky was lit up a bright orange as the sun set. It was weird but beautiful.

Mum is shouting at me constantly still. Today she was telling me that everything I say I remember never happened and that all my memories are false and "it's all in your head". I hate it when she says that phrase "All in your head", because it makes me feel like I'm losing my mind entirely. I keep telling her not to say that, and today I said it more firmly than usual,
"Mum, DON'T say that."
to which she picks up her lunch and goes into the living room spurting off insults at me. I follow her in, drawn against my will by the jazzy sounds of Star! playing on the TV, so she picks up her lunch again and goes back into the dining room.
Then Mum started ranting at me about how I don't care about her, how I hate her, how I hurt her on purpose, how I say that something happened when she says that it didn't, how I'm 'so clever and yet don't make any effort', lazy etc. etc.
I started to cry. I finally thought, after listening to her listing every single one of my bad points and her telling me how my mind works and telling me what my emotions are at certain times (How the hell does she know?! Does she think she's a bloody empath, or what?!), that instead of arguing with her about it like I usually do, that I should just agree with her.
So I just repeat everything she just said to me back at her, agreeing every step of the way,
"Yes, I hate you. Yes, I'm lazy. Yes mum, I go out of my way to think up new ways to make your life a misery every day. Yes mum, everything I remember and percieve in this world is false. Yes, mum, you know exactly how my mind works and thus you are entitled to tell me that whenever I talk to you I am angry. Yes mum, I'm crazy."

But then she starts to argue against everything I said back at her! She started arguing against the very things she said just a few minutes before.

But I think that she realises that she is hurting me. At least I hope she is. I know she doesn't do it on purpose, but I can't cope with living here. Then again, I can't cope with college either. Let's just say I can't cope, full stop.

--I just realised, it's September the 11th today.

Night xxx 1:17am