Searching for my Happily Ever After.

Hey there. I'm up late again. I shouldn't do this to myself, it puts me in a funny mood.

As promised I'll write about the golf course adventures.

I can't remember when George, Benji and I went to the golf course, but it was at least a week. ago. George came over and we all went out just as dusk was creeping over. We walked through the scouts' woods and found ourselves in Wickham Vineyards where we frolicked around the immature grapes, picking buches off and daring each other to eat them all at once (sour!).
Ben and George led me to the little wooded area between golf courses and next to a fenced off area. We clambered in the half-dark onto the roof of a building leading onto the fenced off area. After being paranoid and lying flat on the roof every time a car passed we climbed down into the area. It was so thrilling, trespassing like that in the black night. Ben and George went off towards some large barn-like buildings and accidentally set off a light alarm, so we scrambled back onto the roof and jumped blind down from it onto the uneven ground below. Look at what I did! I'm afraid of heights, and yet I jumped blind from a roof that I knew was high, even though I couldn't see the ground!

Afterwards we went onto the driving range and collected as many golf balls as we could and wrote "Nice Balls!" on a sloping part of the course. It wasn't really stealing since we gave them back, only in a different place.

Two days ago we went out again and sand-sculptured in the sand-traps. We collected nigh on 400 balls this time and wrote "How Art Thou?". George said that if they make any comment at all on it, besides the irritated grumblings, they'd probably say we were "Lost souls looking for an outlet for their teenage angst".

Yesterday as I was getting up from the chair in the Games Room I stubbed my little toe on the chair leg. This is the leprotic little toe, the one whose nail was falling off after my encounter with Mr. Fingernail. It bent what little of the nail I had left right up so it sticks out and catches on anything. I have like 5mm of toenail left! It's gone all bloody and horrible and last night I kept being woken up by the pain so I had to take 2 ibuprofen to stop the feeling of boiling hot pieces of glass piercing my foot. As a result I slept right through my 9am alarm and into 11 o'clock. I had sleep-paralysis at 10, and then was too bushed to stay up any longer than 5 minutes at a time. Horrible business.

I had a dream that I had a baby, though I hadn't had sex, and that as soon as I gave birth to it some people took it away. I wanted to find it again since, you know, he was mine, but I couldn't. Then suddenly I was in this vast landscape of hilly areas and rocks, with grassless flat areas. I was utterly lost, and was with another person, I think. I walked around a bit. I had a bird. Like Joey only bigger, thinner. Not a budgy, he was a rare bird, but he had the same disposition as Joey. I found some steps and went up them. As I was going up I walked past a lady going the way I came and I thought "Thank goodness! That means that there's a settlement up these steps! I shan't starve after all!". I reached the top and there was this town that I recognised. I walked towards this pub and happened to glance behind me. Through the crowd I saw a cross between a pume and a cougar. Yes I know they're similar... I hink... anyway I ran into the pub and slammed the door behind me. I stood in the middle of the way and started talking to a group of young children, about 6 or 7. I looked to the door to the left of me and saw through the glass the cougar watching me hungrily. I ignored it and showed the children my trick. I whistled and my bird came flying out from nowhere to land on my outstretched arm. Like a bird of Paradise, he had this lovely long tail. Then me and my companion walked away from the children and out through a door. I found myself on a strange shuttle-like pod whizzing through a tunnel with the first companion and another companion. The bird was nowhere to be seen. I was scared we'd get lost because we were travelling through a path between dimensions and realities. I knew that that was how we'd got to the place I described before. We suddenly stopped at the end of the tunnel and I knew we were being chased. There were 4 doors and only one was correct. The other 3 we could get lost in easily and not find our way back to the tunnel. Also our pursuers would catch us if we went into those three. The correct one would lead us to safety. To home. I chose the last one on the right and opened the door. Through it was my bedroom although I didn't recognise it at first. It was full of swirls and was a bit untidy. I backed out, that was the wrong door. The dream went hazy for a bit while I tried the other doors. Then I was in a hospital room in a white hospital gown holding my baby and the doctors were saying that I had to give him back to them because he was unwell.

I woke up half way through that dream due to the sleep-paralysis, where I couldn't breath properly and had to ask a woman next to me to sing so I could wake up. She didn't, and, as I tried to gain lucidity so I could bretah again, I took one huge gasping breath (exerting a lot of willpower) and jerked awake, turned over, and resumed my dream).

Oh, also, last night, as the sun was setting, the whole sky turned yellow. It was the weirdest and most wonderful sight I had ever seen in a sunset. I couldn't tear myself away from the window and stayed there until the sky went dark.

Night xxx (1:21am)