Searching for my Happily Ever After.

Can I hit the issue I mentioned earlier full on? Thanks.

Well, the thing is, Grandad Harry is going to die. Very, very soon. I overheard from a conversation Mum was having with somebody that he has 2 weeks. TWO WEEKS!

When Auntie Pat and everyone on that side took Nan and Grandad on holiday about last year, Grandad got very confused and ill. He was taken to hospital and they told him it was because he'd not taken his bladder pills and the toxins were affecting him. We thought this was all fine and dandy, and nothing to be worried about. All he needed to do is remember to take his pills.

But he's been getting more confused. I heard that while Mum was over their house Grandad went to sit down, but, instead of sitting on his chair, he tried to sit on the fireplace next to the chair. And what makes it more sad is that he didn't even realise it. Not even after Mum had pointed it out to him (thank God the fire wasn't on), and led him to sit on his chair.

Grandad used to walk down to the Post Office every day, and refused to use the chair-lift since he didn't want to become dependant on it. But lately all he does is sit in his chair, sleep and watch Westerns. It's like he's lost all his will to live.

Mum took him to the hospital again a few weeks ago to find out what's wrong. They told us..

His heart has enlarged (he always has had a large heart :) such a sweet man) and this is causing great pressure on his body. He's had a number of 'mini-strokes', just like the ones Grandad Ken had.

They told us that he's got a likely life-span of 2 weeks. Two years at the most, they said, but they know he'll go soon.
He'll either die of a massive heart attack, a stroke, or hopefully he'll just pass away in his sleep.

I haven't spent enough time with him. I haven't gotten to know him as well as I should. I know this is my last chance. But I can't go see him, I have no opportunity. And I can't just turn up and say "Hi Grandad, I'm going to spend time with you since you're going to die soon and I won't be abkle to in the future." can I?

I was going to buy him the Magnificent 7 box set for his Anniversary. I think I'll do that now.

This, for the most part, doesn't seem to have any reality on me. I seem to feel matter-of-fact about it. Like informed denial. There are horrible, horrific times of sudden clarity and panic; like right now, actually. It hits me and I choke, knowing he can die any minute and I'll never see him again. Oh God. Why?

Why for the love of all things real and true? Why?

I..

I just don't know. I'll never know, will I? None of you will.

Oh Grandad.