Searching for my Happily Ever After.

Kindly ignore the last entry. It's one of those late-night ones. I'm not that upset now, and I don't know what it was that made me so down but I know that there was probably a good reason for it at the time. So yeah. Sorry about that.

Oh but I am in a strange mood. Have been for a while actually.

Am I the same person as I was when I first met my good friends? Hell, am I the same person as I was last year? I really don't think so. I think I've changed. A lot. And I don't think that's a good thing.

I'm still hyper happy me and I'm still as loud and annoying as I was last year, but have you noticed my quiet bouts? I have. One second I'm normal me and then the next I'm off thinking about stuff. I've become a lot more serious and... I can't think of the word. I really think I'm going mad. Mad mad me. Ha. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.

What should I do about myself? Do I really have OCD like I dread that I do? I just want out of all of this right now. It's not events or real life that's bothering me, you know, it's my mind that's bothering me. Today was a Bad Day. I've been having far too many Bad Days lately. I'd love to have a really good day sometime, or I'd even settle for a mediocre day. Hell, a bad day sounds good to me but these Bad Days I've been having are just too often. Really, what should I do about myself?

Today at lunch-time Alice dragged me out of the classroom insisting that I escort her to the toilets. But really she just wanted to find out what's wrong. In relation to last entry. Sorry about that Alice, I don't know what got into me when I wrote that.

Anyway, I've been industrious. I tidied my room (huzzah!), and I've been writing about 3 or 4 pages of diary (to my Am�lie) roughly every other day, which is good. And I've refound my dream-diary and I've created a sort of 'random rant-book', basically to help me.

Want a random dream diary dream? *fetches the book and randomises* By random I mean random in the true definition of the word, not just a Kim definition.

15-10-02
I was at a cinema at a themepark with Alice. I was sitting next to this boy and Alice. The cinema was nearly empty. The boy all of a sudden jerked and, in a sort of trance, reached inside his bag and pulled out a skin and put it on. The moment he did so he sort of became all evil and powerful and near destroyed the cinema. After this he took it off and begged me to destroy it. I threw it in the sewers.

Wil's told me that only someone who's very screwed up can dream the sort of dreams I do and write free association like mine. Granted that dream isn't all that weird but most of my dreams are. Other people's dreams seem to be boring, just about normal day-to-day happenings with a mild twist but my dreams are interesting and go all out on the imagination department. I don't agree with Wil, though. Who cares what Wil thinks, he's always over-critical on everything (esp. drawing) and says stupid things. Don't believe a word of Wil's opinion. He doesn't like William (who could hate William I ask you?) and calls him Frenglish without actually considering that by that definition I'm Frenglish too *rolls eyes at the idiot known as Wil*

Well I'm going to bed now. If anybody has any advice for me and my strange problems please note me/contact me whatever. I think I need all the help I can get.

Kim xxx