Searching for my Happily Ever After.

I haven't tried this before on the computer, so I don't know if it will work. I'm going to do some free association, meaning I just type whatever comes into my head and not think about it, supposedly it shows my sub-concious. It'll probably be weird/disturbing because the other times I've done this it has been like that. Oh, now that I think about it I might have done something along the lines of free association in here somewhere along the line.

Ophelia and the cinnamon chewing gum sitting on a lamppost on the yellow brick dog along the road and for the green guys of the course of Peace and others like it You cannot jump to the moon but you can swim up to mars on a red balloon having a tea party with the stars Jaguar grenkins is formidably right in his philosophies and I don't like that in a guy so I grab him by the collar and place a kiss on his neck before running off to be silent in my own mind I can't though so I sit in the darkness wishing for stillness but it never comes it won't ever come unless I use the resources and swallow my voice to tell myself the right way to have it done my way can't won't can't I feel like screaming almost all the time And I can't hold together much longer I wish I could understand the answers I'm given but I don't think I ever am given the answers because nobody else but me knows the questions I realy need some help can you give it to me, Peter? Who the hell are you, tim wells? I think youre me but that can't be can it? Coffee house. People at a counter drinking their negative fortunes in a cup and twitching from the blackness of liquid inside I don't think I need another one because I feel too much as it is I could have been numb for all I care but would you care if that was the case I don't think you would but I want to stop this inner screaming I have inside my head I can't escape iron bars over the confines of the brain I woner if you have anything which can cut iron? Ferrous fumerate. I was dependant on supplement, for God's sake! Tat is ridiculous don't you think? I can survive without outer stimulation in fact I think that culd be an answer but not the right one. Or to the right question killing things it flashes in front of my eyes red and blood and then suddenly in the real world I realise what I just saw and feel guilty and want to run away and my head is screaming again. Up to 100 and silence until then stop step step jump over to make it right and skip with a heavy heart about the future and nature of things. That is not right is it no it's wrong so jump over it guardian wings beat away from here and I can't breathe I can see people watching me out of the corner of their eyes I don't like it I was to shout and then suddenly my perception skews and I realise it's death in a green field of poppies and it's flaking away from the world of sin who is sin I don't know the feathers drift around me but never touch me I want to touch them but they drift ever so close then ever so far away again before I reach out for them the rust on the walls ever so slowly creeps through the leaves and frogs chirrup on the carpet and roots uproot themselves everything is changing epiphany reap the wheat of the harvest stuffed little man on the fields looking over everything that happens and the ebony brids who are not guardians but the closest thing to it fly wearily past stuffed man avoiding him fly straight onto the aerials of the town where the stars shine brightly and the moon is low in the ponds of the daytime you think that you are the only one but you know you are not because of the effect of gravity on all of the minds of the universe.

I think I shall go to bed now, I shall read this over later.