Searching for my Happily Ever After.

Not as long, and on the same day.

I feel like crying and crying because I don't know what's going on and there's all the people and it's all everywhere drowning me out and no one listens to me. I always get the wrong end of the stick I think too much then make myself worse when I don't get the answers and maybe I won't ever go to Uni because something will happen on th way and I want to know why I am here and whenever I think too much I'm at the cliff again about to jump or in the dark abyss with no one around I'm all alone and I scream and scream but no one hears. My mind doesn't work right I know it because I'm always so suspicious and get jealous or some other inexplicable feeling arises and I don't know why I get so jealous over little things and I'm protective and I haven't seen Wil for ages but I don't know when I could or even if I want to riht now. I feel responsibilities which don't make sense and I'm not committed to work and I'm too metaphoric, symbolic, obscure I'm described as strange do you think I want to be strange? I don't try I don't do it on purpose i'm just me and I said I don't care anymore but I do I really do but then somethimes I don't. Maybe I should throw myself off next time I think my way there what will I find once I get there. The abyss is terrifying and the cliffs are too I don't like it but I can't stop myself philosophising and when I do I always find myself there. I'm ill always pale. I don't feel like anyone actually likes me I'm paranoid cynical not stoic the opposite. I'm larger than life and I don't want to be but I get over-enthusiastic and I obsess too much and Oh god I don't even know if you're there. No one is there religion is false what created everything nothing can come from nothing but God doesn't exist or so I feel he isn't there to help no one is no one can reach into my inner mind and sort me out I feel like the crazy bitch from the Drama presentation and where she runs against the bars which they make for her I hate society and rules I love chaos anythinf to spice up life Are we really alive no one can be sure of anything. Are we just a bunch of nerves and brain functions I have to go now bye..